


When You Wish Inside A Bubble

by Boossuet



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: 2020 Return to Play, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Carey Price is the narrator, Gen, Hotel X, M/M, Magic, McDavid is tired, NHL Bubble, Nobody Is In Character, This is all a meme, a little gay, everything is insane, loosely based on Into the Woods, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25637056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boossuet/pseuds/Boossuet
Summary: Connor McDavid wished for the cup. He didn’t realize one little wish would lead to all this.Or, the one where everybody keeps teleporting to different hotels, Johnny Gaudreau wants to be taller, Elias Pettersson wants to be left alone, and Travis Konecny just wants to make friends.
Relationships: Adam Lowry/Brandon Tanev, Leon Draisaitl/Connor McDavid, if you squint
Comments: 12
Kudos: 33





	When You Wish Inside A Bubble

**Author's Note:**

> i wish i was sorry.

**_Carey, you gotta start the story._ **

_ “Why am I the narrator?” _

**_Because I’m the author. And let’s be honest, the Canadiens aren’t going to be here long. So I might as well give you something to do._ **

_ “We could surprise you.” _

**_I doubt that. You had a 1% chance of getting here. Now, can you please just give me a ‘once upon a time’?_ **

_ “That’s cheesy.” _

**_Listen. We’ve wasted enough time here. Everybody just wants to know what this shitpost is about. Can you please start the story and set the scene?_ **

_ “Fine. Once upon a time… in Edmonton, Connor McDavid made a wish. A wish that would send four hotels into complete chaos and result in thousands of dollars in property damage. Who is paying for all this again? Oh? It’s going to come out of our salaries. Great. Anyways, McJesus made a wish…” _

* * *

  
  


“I wish to win the Stanley cup,” Connor mumbled to himself, looking out of the bus window at the shooting star that had just streaked across the Edmonton sky. That was weird. Stars usually weren’t this bright in the city. 

“Did you say something?” Leon Draisaitl asked, removing one earbud and frowning. 

Connor shook his head and Leon put his earbud back in with a shrug. The entire thing was forgotten until around 10 PM, when Connor walked out of his hotel shower to find Wayne Gretzky sitting on his bed. 

If only he’d had enough soul left in him to do more than raise an eyebrow. 

“You wished to win the cup?” Gretzky said, crossing his legs and making himself comfortable. 

“Yes. Doesn’t everybody?”

“They do, but you were the first one to wish for it. How badly do you want it?”

“More than anything. I deserve it more than anybody. I mean, look at what I’ve put up with. I’m 23 and I look 35.”

Gretzky sighed and snapped his fingers. Nothing happened. 

Connor was about to question him when Leon suddenly appeared in the room. “What the-”

“I have a quest for you two. If you want to win the cup, that is,” Gretzky said, standing up and checking out the minibar, holding up a pinky sized vodka bottle to his critical eye. 

“A quest?” Connor asked and cast an awkward look at Leon, wrapping the towel tighter around his waist. 

“Go to the bubble and bring me back…” Gretzky paused, uncapping the bottle, and then the lights in the hotel room flickered. “One: the bucket hat as white as milk. Two: the cape as red as blood. Three: the hair as yellow as corn. Four: the sneaker as pure as gold. Bring me these before the chime of midnight in three days' time and you shall have your cup.”

Leon and Connor stared at him blankly. 

“Go to the bubble!” Gretzky shouted and the lights went out. When they came back on, both Gretzky and Leon were gone. Connor rubbed his eyes. Exhaustion must have really gotten to him. 

* * *

  
  


_ “Meanwhile in Toronto…” _

Carter Hart just wanted to go to the Stanley Cup Final. That was the wish he’d made on the exceptionally bright star hanging over Toronto while he had been wandering the hallways of Hotel X at 1 AM. His second wish was to find the vending machine he was looking for. 

“You wish to go to the final?” 

“The final?”

“The Stanley Cup Final?”

_ Who had thought putting all the Eastern Conference rivals in one hotel was a good idea? _ Carter thought as he turned around to see Tuukka Rask, Braden Holtby, and Matt Murray all leaning against the vending machine. He smiled at them but started to back away. He hadn’t realized he had wished aloud and wanted nothing more than to go die of embarrassment in the lobby bathroom right now. 

Of course, the way to the said bathroom was through the trio.

“Darling, those saves,” Holtby said with a small smile as Carter tried to walk past them.

“Saves are one thing, but with a team like that-” Tuukka’s possibly snide comment was interrupted by the entire hotel shaking, knocking everybody off balance and freeing Carter from the trio of goalies. He all but ran to the lobby bathroom, only exhaling when he was safe in a stall.

If this was an earthquake and the hotel was coming down, at least he’d die alone instead of in front of all his rivals. 

* * *

  
  


**_Carey, can we get a quick breakdown of what just happened to the NHL Bubbles so we don’t lose anybody?_ **

_ “I guess. Gretzky just opened up portals between all the hotels so McDavid could accomplish his quest. Unfortunately, the rest of us are caught in the crossfire. And some of us are about to get robbed by Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl.” _

**_That isn’t a new feeling for a goalie._ **

_ “We’re moving on with the story now.” _

* * *

  
  


“Hello, young man.”

Andrei Svechnikov jumped, almost losing the red blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He’d been awakened by the Royal York shaking and had stepped out into the hall to see what was going on. Instead of answers, he found Tom Wilson standing at the end of it. 

That was weird. Wasn’t Washington in the other hotel?

“Good evening, Mr. Wilson,” Svech returned the greeting, a little suspicious. He looked up and down the hall to see if anybody else was there. Perhaps he was dreaming. 

“Do you know where we are?” Tom asked, looking around and frowning. 

“Um. Toronto. The Royal York,” Svech said with a forced smile, not liking that he was alone with Tom Wilson in the middle of the night. He was putting his key card in the door when he heard somebody gasp, followed by a shout. 

“The cape as red as blood!”

Andrei turned in time to see Connor McDavid sprinting full speed down the hallway at him. He didn’t have time to think. He let go of his blanket and ran as fast as he could the other way, praying McDavid wasn’t as fast on land as he was on the ice. 

Andrei’s brain kicked back in just in time to realize he was about to smack right into Tom Wilson, but it was too late to stop. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the impact... 

Nothing happened.

Svech opened his eyes.  _ Oh shit. _ He wasn’t in Toronto anymore. Instead, he was in the dinner line in Edmonton and Mark Scheifele was staring wide-eyed at him. “Jiminy Crickets!”, he exclaimed the plate he had been holding moments before now on the carpet.

  
  


What the hell was going on!?

* * *

  
  


Connor had barely laid hands on the red blanket before he was transported back to Edmonton. Only this time he found himself in the outdoor area at Sutton Place. He grabbed a seat and took a moment to catch his breath. He was about to check the time when Elias Pettersson came running out of the hotel. 

“What is going on?” Elias asked him, looking over his shoulder with a worried look.

“Hockey god shenanigans,” Connor sighed.

“Have you seen Brock? Boeser?” Elias asked, jumping when a weird noise came from inside the hotel.

“I haven’t. Is he missing?”

“Most of my team is…” Elias said worriedly, taking a seat beside Connor, apparently deciding he was safe enough from whatever he was running from. “I’m worried. Brock’s a very nice man. And this is a very nice hotel.”

“And?” Connor asked, trying to be friendly. If he made friends, maybe they would help him and Leon find all the items they needed for Gretzky. 

“And there are tennis courts here.”

“And? Brock?”

“Oh, Brock? Well, we watched...” Elias trailed off, something in the distance catching his eye.

“What I wouldn’t give to be in your shoes…” Connor said wistfully, thinking about literal Disney prince Brock Boeser and not paying any attention to what Elias was saying. 

Suddenly, Elias gasped and leapt to his feet. “Will you look over there! An enormous  _ beanstalk _ growing next to Rogers Arena!” He cried, pointing to said beanstalk that was growing rapidly into the Edmonton sky and the small figure scrambling up it. 

Connor suddenly noticed Elias’ shoes. “I mean sneakers as pure as gold!” he gasped, as the clock began to strike midnight and the door to the Sutton Place crashed open, revealing one of the Flyers’ players. 

“Alien boy!” said Flyer cried. 

“I must go!” Elias cried, taking off in the opposite direction. 

“Wait! I need your shoe!” Connor gasped, dropping Andrei Svechnikov’s red blanket as he tore off after Elias, the Flyer hot on his heels.

_ “If only they’d stayed around a little longer. They would have seen Johnny Gaudreau drop out of the sky. Sutton Place is the place to be tonight, isn’t it?” _

**_Carey, shut up. This is Johnny Hockey’s little moment._ **

“There are giants in the sky!” Johnny shouted as he ran into the lobby of Sutton Place, out of breath and terrified.

**_Stop. We have to start with the wish. The wishes are the only theme in this shitpost._ **

_ “Fine. Johnny Gaudreau had wished to be taller…” _

Matthew Tkachuk had laughed along with him about his wish. “Why does everybody seem so pressed about this star? It’s just a star,” he’d said with an eye roll as they parted ways to go to their respective rooms. 

Later that night, Johnny had woken up to a chill in his bedroom and some beans sitting on his bedside table. He frowned and picked them up, dropping them when they shocked him. That had been weird, but things had only gotten weirder from there. 

First, he had run into Tyler Seguin, who was not supposed to be in this hotel. To be friendly, Johnny had told him about the beans he had found in his hotel room and given one to him before they parted ways. 

Then he had dropped a bean and a beanstalk had burst out of the ground, which of course he had climbed, and at the top he’d discovered giants. And then, well then it was now and he had run into Sutton Place’s lobby looking like he had lost his mind.

Jonathan Toews looked up from his book on essential oils. “I’m sorry, did you say something?”

“Giants. Up there. Above Edmonton. Goddammit, I hate this place! And I swear I’m not crazy!” Johnny said quickly, but before Jonathan could question anything he’d just said, the entire hotel shook and there was the sound of incredibly loud footsteps outside. 

“Holy  _ shit _ there is a giant walking through Edmonton right now!” Quinn Hughes exclaimed from his seat by the window, looking the most alive anybody had ever seen him. 

“See? Not crazy!” Johnny said, gesturing towards the window with a frantic hand motion. 

“Well… what do we do about this?” Jonathan asked, frowning. 

The three of them exchanged glances. They had come here to play hockey, not fight? Befriend? Run from? Giants. 

This was going to be a long few weeks. 

* * *

  
  


Leon had gotten the bucket hat as white as snow off of William Nylander in exchange for pictures of the CN Tower.. A weird thing for somebody to desire, but it had been an incredibly weird morning. Now he had to figure out how the hell he was supposed to get back to Edmonton. He had woken up in Toronto, confused, until Wayne Gretzky had appeared and reminded him of their quest. 

_ Was the cup really worth all of this? _

He looked up when he heard footsteps and saw a disgruntled Connor approaching. “I got the cape. Found the shoes. Lost the shoes. Lost the cape. We have only two midnights left and none of the items,” he said shortly, sitting down beside Leon to catch his breath. 

“One of the items,” Leon corrected him.

Connor looked at him questioningly. Leon held up the bucket hat with a proud grin. 

Connor smiled slightly. “One item. But we still don’t know where the other three items are.”

“I know where the hair is. Hotel X, floor 15. A Penguin.”

“Well, why didn’t you get it?” Connor asked, pursing his lips.

“It’s weird to ask somebody for some of their hair. And his hotel room door has mysteriously vanished.”

**_Stop, stop, stop. Carey? You skipped this part. Jake Guentzel was supposed to be introduced_ ** **before** **_this, not after._ **

_ “Look. There is a lot going on and a lot of people to follow. I’m not god. I can’t see it all.” _

**_Can you take us to Jake Guentzel? TK and Hayesy should be there now._ **

_ “Fine.” _

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


All Travis Konecny had wanted to do was make friends. Yes, he was going to be stuck in a hotel with all of the Flyers’ rivals, but rivalries were for on the ice only. 

And if he was going to be here for weeks, he needed somebody other than his teammates to talk to. 

So far, it was not going well. Despite everybody going randomly from hotel to hotel, he still hadn’t made any new friends yet. He sighed and collapsed into a chair in the main lounge, depressed. It was the second afternoon and he was already bored. 

“Tiki bar!” 

TK righted himself and smiled when he saw Kevin Hayes enter the room. “Hayesy! What are you up to?”

“I’m trying to make friends, but it isn’t going very well,” Kevin replied with a frown, dropping onto the couch next to TK. 

“You too? I was trying to make peace with Jake Guentzel, but I have to shout at him through the wall.”

“Don’t you mean through the door?” Kevin asked, the gears in his head slowly turning.

“No. The wall. His door disappeared when everybody started vanishing. When I last left, his teammates were trying to find a sledgehammer. I offered to help, but they all just looked at me and backed away slowly,” TK sighed sadly, recounting how he’d been rejected by his new friends. 

“At least he can’t run from you. A wonderful Canuck appeared in my room last night, but when I tried to befriend him, he started running and hasn’t stopped since,” Kevin explained with a frown. “Have you seen him? He’s tall, blond, looks like an alien, and he has golden sneakers on.”

Connor McDavid smiled to himself from behind the newspaper he was using to hide. If he followed Kevin around for long enough, he’d get the golden sneakers. If he followed Travis, he could get the hair as yellow as corn. Everything was falling into place again. 

“I haven’t seen him, but maybe we can find him on the way up to Jake’s hotel room. Will you come with me?” Travis asked.

“Friends making friends together!” Hayes replied with excitement, giving TK a high five as they headed for the door. 

As they turned the corner to head to the elevator, they saw Elias Pettersson standing there, Tim Horton's coffee cup in hand. 

“Alien boy!” Kevin gasped, taking off towards him with his arms outstretched for a hug. 

Elias’ eyes widened and he threw his coffee in Kevin’s direction. “Why won’t you leave me alone!?” He exclaimed as he turned on a dime to run away from Hayes.

Travis laughed and took off after the duo. This was much more fun than whining at Jake Guentzel to be his friend. 

  
  


* * *

Sidney Crosby didn’t care for any of this. He had been trying to enjoy a muffin when Conor Sheary had come running up to him, rambling something about Jake Guentzel being stuck in his hotel room. Okay, that was nothing new. Things happened and sometimes hotel doors got stuck. It was an easy fix.

What was not an easy fix was the fact that there was no longer a door, or even a doorway, to Jake’s room. 

“What do you mean it just vanished?” Sidney asked, exasperated. 

Tristan Jarry was about to answer when he vanished too. “What the _ fuck _ !?” 

“Oh yeah. That keeps happening. He’ll be back in a few minutes,” Bryan Rust said offhandedly, frowning at the wall as he tried to determine the best way to fix this problem. 

True to his word, Jarry appeared again five minutes later, looking much worse than he had when he’d left, thin eyebrows in disarray. 

“Shit, what happened to you?” Jared McCann paused his kicks against the wall to ask. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jarry replied softly, going to the end of the hall to sit down.

“Does anybody have a hammer?” Sidney asked, taking control of the situation before it got out of hand.

“Oh, yeah, let me just go get that out of my suitcase,” Kris Letang replied, sarcastically. 

“Does anybody know where Zucker is? He brought 37 suitcases. He had to have prepared for this,” Zach Aston-Reese said, looking up and down the Penguins’ hallway for the winger.

“You three,” Sidney said, gesturing to Zach and his linemates, “go find Zucker or a hammer or something. Please.”

Remarkably, the trio managed to find a sledgehammer within ten minutes. “Okay, Jake? Step away from the wall. We’re coming in,” Sidney shouted through the wall, stepping back to let Brandon Tanev start swinging. 

Unfortunately, as Brandon was about to take the first swing at it, he disappeared. 

Fuck. 

Fortunately, by some miracle, a portal opened up at the end of their hallway, spitting out Tyler Seguin. Sidney didn’t have to say anything for Zach and Teddy to take off for it, going to Edmonton to search for Brandon. 

He didn’t get the chance to question what Seguin was doing there before he took off down the stairs. Whatever. He didn’t concern Sidney at all.

What did concern Sidney was the Flyer currently coming down the hall towards them with an ax. His team scattered with a shriek. 

“Uh, guys? What’s going on out there?” Jake called through the wall, voice dripping with worry. 

“Wait, I’m just trying to help!” Said Flyer cried, dropping the ax outside Jake’s doorless room. 

“Help?” Sidney questioned. Why would a Flyer want to help them? 

“I’m trying to make friends,” TK responded with a friendly smile. 

Crosby didn’t get the chance to answer before there was a loud rumble and the sound of crashing coming from down the hall. Down the hall in the direction of his room. Oh no. His room. 

Sidney was halfway to his room when the hotel shook, knocking him off balance. He barely had time to right himself before the rest of the Flyers were storming towards him from the elevator. 

Could things get any worse?

“What have you done to my hotel room?” Claude Giroux demanded. 

“What are you talking about?”

“My room. It's been destroyed.”

“Why are you blaming me? Look at my room!” Sidney gestured towards what used to be his room, now just a doorway full of debris. 

“Well, who could have done such a thing? If it wasn’t you or any of your team?” Giroux asked, looking less angry but much more confused. 

“Do you think it was the Bruins?” Conor Sheary chirped from where he was hovering over Sidney’s shoulder.

“The Bruins? No, the Bruins are sweet,” Giroux said with a wave of his hand.

Sidney made a face.  _ The Bruins? Sweet?  _

“Besides, how could they have simultaneously destroyed both our rooms without anybody seeing them?” Giroux finished.

“It was a beanstalk,” Carter Hart said quietly, not making eye contact with Sidney.

“How do you know that?”

“I opened the door. There’s a giant beanstalk growing through the center of the room,” the goalie explained, jerking his thumb towards the door of Crosby’s room.

Everybody moved down the hall to look into the room. Yep. There  _ was  _ a beanstalk in the room.

“Huh. Well. Sorry to bother you then,” Giroux said with an apologetic, albeit forced, smile. 

“G! What are you doing here?” TK gasped, finally noticing his teammates. 

“I could ask the same of you. Why are you with all of the Pens?” Giroux said, not without disgust on the last word. 

“Well, fuck you too,” Crosby mumbled under his breath. Giroux shot him a glare but otherwise ignored him.

“I’m trying to make friends,” TK replied with a grin.

“With  _ them _ ? Travis Konecny, come back down to our floor and make friends with better teams,” Giroux scolded, sounding like a disappointed father.

TK frowned and slunk back down the hall towards Giroux, dragging the ax behind him.

“Wait! Can you leave the-” Sheary started to ask, but was interrupted by Giroux flipping him off as the elevator door closed, “ax.”

Sidney sighed and sat down next to Jarry, burying his head in his hands as the clock struck midnight. 

He saw Connor McDavid chasing Andrei Svechnikov down the hallway, but couldn’t find it in him to care why.

Brian Dumoulin appeared at the opposite end of the hall, fire ax in hand. “Guys! I found another-” but he disappeared before he could finish his sentence. 

Sidney hit his head against the wall.

All he wanted to do was play hockey.

* * *

  
  
  


Brandon Tanev had wished for love. A ridiculous thing to wish for, but wishing on a star when you were a grown man was also a bit ridiculous. He had forgotten all about his wish with everything that was going on until he was teleported to Edmonton mid sledgehammer swing and almost hit Adam Lowry. 

“Brandon?” Adam gasped, barely sidestepping the hammer that was suddenly aimed at his face.

“Adam?” Brandon replied, unable to help his smile. The hotel shook, knocking Brandon off balance and into Adam.  _ Convenient,  _ he thought, before looking up into Adam’s kind blue eyes. His heart skipped a beat and he let go of the sledgehammer. 

“Why do you-”

“Do you know-”

“-have a sledgehammer?”

“-what’s going on?”

“Sorry,” they both said at the same time. Brandon felt himself blush, but he couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or because he was still in Adam’s arms. He cleared his throat and tried to take a step back. 

Adam grabbed his wrist and gently pulled him back in. “Anything can happen in the bubble. Can I kiss you?” he asked softly.

Brandon’s brain short-circuited. 

“Any moment we could be crushed,”

Brandon let out a distressed moan. “Crushed?”

“Don’t feel rushed, but the giant,” Adam said, waving vaguely towards the window.

Brandon glanced out it and yep. There was a giant heading towards the hotel. That explained the consistent shaking. 

“This is ridiculous. What am I doing here? I’m in the wrong hotel!” 

“Or the right one,” Adam smirked, lifting Brandon’s chin. Damn Adam and the power he had over Brandon. He should be worrying about the giant. Or the fact his teammate had been trapped in his hotel room for over 48 hours and Brandon had disappeared with the only way to get him out. 

Instead of worrying, he leaned up and kissed Adam softly, wrapping his arms around the taller man’s neck. 

They continued kissing like this until the giant's footsteps shook them both off balance, sending them falling onto Adam’s bed in a tangle of limbs. Brandon laughed and was going in for another kiss when the door burst open, revealing his linemates. 

“Teddy, I think this might be the por- Tans!?” Zach Aston-Reese gasped, eyes going wide. 

In a moment of panic, Brandon shoved Adam off the bed. The crash made Teddy Blueger stick his head in, making things worse because great. Now  _ both  _ of his new linemates had seen him making out with his old linemate. 

“Brandon, hello! I’m glad we found you. We need that sledgehammer,” Teddy said, by some miracle not noticing that Adam was there. 

“What the  _ fuck _ ?” Adam said, sitting up and rubbing his head. 

“Oh? Who is this?” Teddy asked, oblivious to the fact he had just cockblocked his teammate. 

“Teddy, Zach, this is Adam. Adam, my linemates,” Brandon said quickly, fixing his shirt and grabbing the sledgehammer off the floor. “Let’s go free Jake.”

“Goodbye,” Adam said softly and Brandon pretended he didn’t see the hurt look on his face.

“What was  _ that _ ?” Zach asked as soon as Brandon had shut the hotel room door behind him.

“Let’s go find the- what are we looking for again? A portal? Let’s go find that portal,” Brandon said pointedly, heading down the hall, opening each door to check for the portal as he went. He tried to ignore the way his thoughts kept coming back to the way Adam had kissed him. He forced himself to focus on their need to get out of here before the giant crushed the hotel instead. They’d be safe from the giant in Toronto and then Brandon would let himself think about what had just happened. 

_ “It’s a shame Tyler Seguin is about to ruin Toronto’s peace.” _

**_Carey! You can’t just say things like that. You have to elaborate. You’re the narrator, remember?_ **

_ “Must I talk about every little thing that happens?”  _

**_I guess not. Give us a McDavid update though. We’re already almost to the final midnight._ **

* * *

  
  


_ “Currently happening in Toronto…” _

Connor hit his head against a wall. Not out of frustration. No, he and Leon were trying to help the Penguins break into a doorless hotel room. Why his head? Well, they’d lost the sledgehammer. It had vanished along with a left winger and Crosby had sent the rest of his line to go find it, and him. That was hours ago and they still weren’t back, so they had turned to desperate, physical measures. 

If he had known one little wish would lead to all of this, he would never have made it. He wanted the Stanley Cup, but not enough to go through whatever  _ this  _ was. At least he and Leon only had two items left to get until they got their wish. Jake’s hair and Elias’ shoe. Connor took a deep breath and informed Crosby he was going to get a coffee. Maybe he would find Elias on his way.

Connor stepped outside the hotel, headed for the Tim Hortons food truck, when there was a loud crash. He turned and saw Tyler Seguin, Erik Johnson, and Marc-Andre Fleury sprinting towards the hotel. That was never a good sign.

“Go, go, go!” Tyler shouted as the trio passed Connor. Connor sighed and started on his way again, until a giant beanstalk came crashing out of the ground in front of him. His eyes followed the beanstalk upwards and saw a giant figure climbing down it.

Oh _ shit! _

He took off after the trio at full speed.  _ A giant!? What the fuck Gretzky!? This was supposed to be an odd quest, not an absolutely insane one! _

Connor made it to the main staircase of Hotel X before he had to stop to take air into his burning lungs. When he looked up, he noticed Elias Pettersson, stuck on the stairs and pulling desperately at his feet. 

He noticed Connor’s questioning look and stopped tugging on his ankles. “The big orange man is very smart. And extremely prepared. Knowing that I would run from him, he spread glue on the stairs… and I was caught unaware,” Elias explained sheepishly. 

“Why don’t you just take your shoes off?” Connor suggested with a wheeze.

Elias blinked slowly at him. “Because then I wouldn’t have any shoes?”

“Here, just take mine,” Connor sighed and bent over to take his shoes off. This wasn’t how he expected to get the golden sneakers, but desperate times called for desperate measures. 

“No. I’m not going to give you my shoes,” Elias said with a tinge of disgust. He leaned down again, pulling on his shoes again and pretending Connor wasn’t there.

“I need those shoes to win the cup,” Connor said desperately. He hadn’t slept in three days and he wasn’t going to give up now because some asshole wouldn’t give up a shoe. 

“What? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever-” 

His sentence was interrupted by a call of “Alien boy?” from the top of the stairs.

“You’ll run faster with my shoes. They aren’t sticky,” Connor suggested, holding his shoes out to Elias. 

Elias thought about it for a moment before he untied his shoes and carefully pried them up. He tread lightly down the stairs to avoid getting stuck stuck again and passed his shoes off to Connor. 

Connor didn’t have time to thank him before Kevin Hayes and Travis Konecny appeared at the top of the stairs. 

“I finally found you!” Kevin cried, running down the stairs towards them. Elias’ eyes widened and he tore off like a bat out of hell, thankfully headed away from the giant. 

Connor looked down at his watch.  _ 11:26 PM. _ They had a half hour to get Jake’s hair and give the items to Gretzky. Hopefully that would end all this giant and teleporting nonsense.

* * *

  
  
  


_ “When Connor returned to floor 15 of Hotel X, Jake Guentzel was finally free of his hotel hell, but his teammates were now engaged in a shouting match with Leon Draisaitl, and as we all know, where there is screaming, the Flyers and Capitals are sure to follow…” _

“What the hell!? Did you just take a piece of his hair!?”

“I need this for-”

“For what? A curse?”

_ “Connor didn’t have it in him to give a shit that Sidney Crosby was pissed. There was a portal to Edmonton at the end of the hall and a giant about to crush Hotel X. Connor didn’t have time for Sidney’s feelings. He grabbed Leon by the arm and pulled him into the portal. When they appeared back in Connor’s hotel room, they found Gretzky already waiting for them.” _

“Do you have the things I asked for?” he asked, looking over the disheveled duo. Connor practically threw the items at him. It was 11:57 and he wanted nothing more than this to be over. 

“Hm. The bucket hat as white as milk, the cape as red as blood. Good, good. Ah yes, the sneaker as pure as gold, very expensive. And you even got the hair as yellow as corn. I’m impressed. Good job. I’ll see what I can do about your wish.”

Connor gaped at him. “See what you can do!? I did not go through-” His anger was interrupted by the chime of midnight, which sounded suspiciously like his alarm. 

  
  


“ _ Wait, wait, wait. You just made me narrate a dream? You went through all that trouble for a fantasy AU and you end it as a dream?” _

**_Look, Carey. I had high hopes and then couldn’t find an ending. So yes. It’s all a dream. Unless the Oilers actually win the cup, then I’m claiming this as fact and myself as psychic. Now just finish the story so I can be free from it._ **

_ “Ugh. Fine. But it’s cheesy, just like the beginning.” _

**_Finish it. Please._ **

_ “Fine. When McJesus awoke from his holy slumber, he was relieved to find that that shitshow was nothing more than a dream. If only he had opened his closet, he would have seen Elias’ golden sneakers sitting inside, a reminder that anything can happen in the bubble... “ _

**_And?_ **

_ “And they all lived happily ever after. Satisfied?” _

**_Yes. Thank you, Carey._ **

**Author's Note:**

> if this made you laugh, please validate me and let me know in the comments.


End file.
